Monday, March 10, 2014

An Ordinary Life

Waking up at 12.20 am after falling asleep in my children's bedroom...I can't put myself back to sleep. Looking into my phone, there's this message from my husband, giving a link to an extraordinary view regarding the recent tragedy of MH370. I'm not going to discuss the link here, it's just makes me think how our point of view does change when something far from ordinary comes across our mind.

Lately, I could not really focus on my work. When I was at work all I could think of is my family. Being a working lady, time is my worst enemy. Out to work at the wee hours with children to send to school & day care, making me so stressful especially to arrive at work on time. When I reached home from work, it has always been dark. I have only 3 hours to prepare dinner, cater to the husband & children's need, settling the house chores before putting the children to sleep (which will usually take longer time). I have no time to actually play with them (which I know that it is something they enjoyed the most). When you're to tired to entertain them, the anger came in.

Amani is just a 2 years & 4 months old toddler that really needs attention. Being the playful one, she always making me tired with the water spilled, biscuits crumbed scattered everywhere in the house and some of her request that makes me moving around the house restlessly. Sometimes I do scold her because of small things. And then, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling bad. She just wants her mummy to cuddle her & play around with her. She is such an angel with her soft voice saying 'hi, mummy!' whenever she sees me (she would never let me out of her sight). She always says sorry for small mistakes such as when she accidentally step on her brothers's toys or when she spilled something on my laminated floor. I love the tone. I love the smell of her curls & chubby cheeks. It is painful to see her crying every time I sent her to day care.

Izzat, being a responsible & well-mannered child always there for her sister. Izzat has a very good discipline. He kept his promise well (if he promised to watch 2 tv programmes, he will stick to 2, nor more or less unless we give him permission). Looking at him, I always wanted him to be my baby forever. I want him to be a good muslim & turn only to Allah S.W.T. & us his parents for guidance & advise when he grew up. I really hope that he won't put his friends first. But, how can I do that if I do not have time to sit with him listening to his problems & be with him through thick & thin?

Well...a friend of mine (who is famously known as an attention seeker) once told me that an ordinary person should never be a blogger. If your life is just about your children, family & food, it's boring & no one would read your blog. Wow...I found it quite harsh friend. A blog could be somebody's something. It could be an open journal to record his/her life journey, so that one day it could be read by his/her future generation. An open secret that you hope will soon be discovered by someone it meant for. I believed, everyone could write whatever they want.

I get different kinds of feedback when I told people that I plan to quit my job in less then 2 years time. Some are very supportive & some are not as they think letting go of my current job is a not a good decision. That is why I am preparing myself for physically, emotionally & financially. Those career woman who actually quit their 5 figures salary is my hero now. If they can do it,why can't I?

These days, I always picture myself as a SAHM. I dreamed of having my own garden, preparing meals for my family & managing the house in my own time. And most importantly...I will have more time to prepare myself for the hereafter. Nothing can beat the satisfaction I guess.

Anyway, coming back to the post title...nothing is wrong to look at things ordinarily sometimes. Be focused & lived it.

Ya Allah, permudahkanlah urusanku...Amiin...

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